Put It Together

One of the things I do is rent a room in my house. So far 2015 hasn't been a stellar year.

There was a chef here who peed in bottles and kept them in his room even though we have three bathrooms. A week after I asked him to stop it and “Do you need some pajamas to get to the bathroom at night?” I found a whole wine bottle in the paper bag in the garbage. The thought of the little old Chinese ladies who have to deal with this stuff is what grosses me out.

There was midwife here who did a runner. You could say she was within her rights if she felt unsafe. Her car was parked out front and broken into one night, five days later she was gone. The only thing missing from her car was a light blue suitcase. Full of knitting supplies including partially done projects, I know this because on a community cleanup I found it. Despite being out rent I emailed and invited her to fetch it. Which she did, I realized yesterday because the bag is gone from the front hall. She did not leave a thank you note or email one or anything, its like I don't exist.

We had the vivacious platinum blond lady with mesmerizing eyes and flawless skin who within a couple of hours set off alarm bells. I tried to be patient because at her interview she passed me the phone to talk to her mother so we could set up an e-transfer. Her mom said, "Thank you for taking my daughter. She's just been diagnosed with epilepsy". I took the phone to another room and with a pounding heart hastily explained less than two years ago my niece died because of epilepsy. The mom asked me not to tell her girl.

I was blind; by the second night I thought maybe the bombshell was a sex worker. In two days she'd introduced me to five guys and sexed three. She propositioned another visitor and his girl friend. She also lied about her origin (Ottawa, New York, London, Berlin) and her accomplishments: BFA Photography, Cordon Bleu cook and her chores (guacamole fork in the clean dishes rack, stacks of bowls and pots in the basement kitchenette, blobs of lasagna and half glass splashes red wine on the carpet of her room).

When I reached for the bottles of wine I bought to take to Seder supper both were empty. She had drunk the contents, while I was here, and left them empty with labels facing original orientation and caps on. Classic bad roommate shit.

Today young man from Sweden left. Viktor is only 19 and has been alone away from home for six months. He is self sufficient, friendly, funny and gentle. He bought twenty-dollar vinyl boots for winter that he wore despite the heel gaping. He found a job in TO, made friends here and was nice to cats even though he had didn't like them much. His beautiful and funny parents brought came for supper. His dad received a Nobel Peace prize along with the rest of the Swedish army in 1987. Viktor told a memorable joke everyday, like, “In Sweden you can do conscription with the army or work at Ikea.“ seemed like a good idea to me.

Now he's going back to Sweden bilingual, with work experience but not knowing what his future in Europe might have in store.

I'm crying a little.

And I'm looking for a new tenant.